; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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