There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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