Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
