if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
