Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
