it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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