Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
