i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
