She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
