He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
