i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
