I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
