he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
