also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
