ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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