Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
