he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
