I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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