Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
