Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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