I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
