I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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