Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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