i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
