You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
