p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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