I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
