dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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