This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
