Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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