i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
