I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
