32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
