Rock
Scissors
Fuck
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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