You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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