I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
