You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
