God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
