Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
