I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
