She's JV to your varsity
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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