I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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