Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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