Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
