i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
