Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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