i'm signing you up for texting rehab
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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