So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
