I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
