Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
