Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
