Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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