after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my poor anus
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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