no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
